Godly Friendships
The first two posts, Love One Another and Encourage One Another, discuss edification and encouragement. This leads us to godly friendships; as we take steps towards deepening our friendships and building more spiritual friendships and mentorships.
Godly Friendships are similar to ordinary friendships. Both are characterized by intimacy, trust, and mutual enjoyment of one another. Godly friendships help us pay attention to God. They draw us closer to Him by edifying us and encouraging us. It is worth noting that only by the power of God can a soul change. We must be careful because we can play a role in kindling the relationship or dimming the relationship.
Johnathan and David: Unlikely Friends [1]
Looking at 1 Samuel 18-20, we see a friendship between a warrior and a prince. The warrior was to inherit the throne, not the prince. They should have been against each other, adversaries in competition. Yet God brought these two together and created a friendship like no other.
How do we know this? Looking at 1 Samuel 23:16-17, “And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh (a high wooded area south of Jerusalem) and helped him find strength in God. ‘Don’t be afraid,’ he said. ‘My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this.’” This passage represents a healthy, godly friendship.
Notice Johnathan didn’t try to fix David or convince him that everything would be ok. He helped him find strength in God. He pointed David toward God. This could only have been accomplished because of their relationship. Their friendship did not have an agenda. They connected for who they were and not what they could get out of the relationship. They were safe people to each other.
Additionally, a godly friendship would also be between Ruth and Naomi. They encouraged each other and physically and emotionally walked alongside each other, sharing wisdom and loyalty and pointing each other to God, strengthening their faith in Him.
What is a safe person?
In their book Safe People, Henry Cloud and John Townsend offer three qualities of a Safe Person.[2]
- They draw you closer to God.
- They encourage your spiritual development and quickly remind you that God cares and is at work to encourage your complete surrender and participation in whatever God asks of you.
- They draw you closer to others.
- A safe friend will not try to isolate you from your other meaningful relationships. They are for other people in your life and will encourage you to resolve conflict.
- They draw you closer to your true self.
- Can see where you are stuck, edify, encourage, and give wisdom, so you may resemble the person God envisioned when He created you in His image. Using all your gifts to be the hands and feet of God.
Mentor
Now I think that godly friendships can be interchangeable with mentoring. A difference that stands is that we tend to have different types of mentors. Some are coaches, counselors, and teachers; in my ministry, we have a Titus 2. It is a relationship that holds someone accountable, admonishes, and encourages. They walk alongside us, edifying and encouraging.
We all have opportunities to mentor and to be a mentee. We all should be filled; never-ending as a constant circle. What stops us from these types of relationships is our negative self-talk. We think we aren’t qualified; we aren’t old enough (which was mine); we aren’t knowledgeable, wise, etc. Insecurities are self-reflection and focus on the “me,” not us, them, or God.
We live and operate in many communities or circles of influence. Look around; who do you have direct contact with? Your children, neighbors, church members, team sports, girl scouts, boy scouts, etc? Your influence goes beyond that of your family and into the world.
“The Spirit of God moves freely between those in the body of Christ who are thus connected, and without any direct effort to cause these changes, growth, transformation, and healing naturally occur. The direct effort comes in forging that kind of relationship in the first place. Then, because of our intimacy with God and each other, our ordinary, flawed selves can be part of a transformative work that happens deep within our hearts and souls and those of others.”[1]
Mindy Caliguire
[1] Mindy Caliguire, Spiritual Friendship, (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2007), 46 and 90
[2] Henry Cloud and John Townsend, Safe People, (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1995), 143
[3] Caliguire, Spiritual Friendship, 18